


Woken up like an animal

by scalira



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Implied homophobia, M/M, implied self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-17
Updated: 2016-01-17
Packaged: 2018-05-14 12:05:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5743195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scalira/pseuds/scalira
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ever since he died, things are different. He thinks differently, he sees people in a new light. Sometimes he even thinks his heart beats differently. Slower. Closer to death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Woken up like an animal

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Chimera Week Day 5: song/lyrics.  
> Based on the song Human by Daugher.

**Woken up like an animal  
I’m all ready for healing  
My mind’s lost with nightmares streaming  
Woken up (kicking screaming)**

When he was alive, his parents often pretended he was invisible.

They would come home late, not even bothering to check on him. Often his mom only cooked for her and her boyfriend. They could go _days_ without saying anything to him.

Sometimes Corey thought it would be beter with his dad, but then he remembered his new family, his new wife and _perfect_ son with _perfect_ grades and _perfect_ heterosexuality.

If he had to choose between being hated and being ignored, the decision was easily made.

The only time his parents gave him any kind of attention was when they could use him to sue the hospital for falsely claiming that Corey had passed away.

Except, there wasn’t anything false about it.

He doesn’t even remember them being relieved when they found out he was alive. There were no tears of joy or tight embraces or loving words or kisses on his cheek. There had only been a nod of a head, a stiff smile. As if the weight of his existence pulled the corners of their mouths down and they had to struggle to pull them back up.

Only when he told them he was moving in with Theo (who, he tells them, is his boyfiend) their smiles were genuine.

But Corey has better things to worry about than his parents.

Ever since he died, things are different. He thinks differently, he sees people in a new light. Sometimes he even thinks his heart beats differently. Slower. Closer to death.

He tries to fight it. He tries to see people as _people_ , not threats. He tries to think about things that used to concern him, like school and grades and boys. But it’s like his mind is clouded with new, dangerous thoughts. How could he kill that kid the quickest? How do you murder without leaving a mess? How does he save his own skin?

But the worst part isn’t even these new, scary thoughts, or living with Theo, or having been brought back from the dead, or the nightmares.

At least in his nightmares, he feels.

When he’s awake, he only feels pain, hunger, anger and fear.

Like he’s been reduced to some kind of animal whose only purpose is to dance to whatever song Theo is playing.

He desperately tries to get his old feelings back. He _remembers_ them. He remembers he used to feel too much, too often and too hard. He remembers sobbing so hard he felt sick and laughing so loud his stomach hurt. He remembers the lingering pain in his mind and even _that_ he misses. He tries to bring it back, tries to drag a blade over his wrist like he used to. But the cut heals before the blood starts dripping. His body remembers the movement, he can almost feel his brain searching for the mental pain that usually went with it. But the feelings stay in the darkness, too far to reach but close enough to know they’re there somewhere.

So he tries other things.

He tries stealing cars and shoplifting and kissing girls. Anything to get some kind of feelings. But the horrible non-feeling won’t subside.

Finally, he decides this will just be something he has to learn to live with. And maybe he won’t feel anything at all anymore, but that doesn’t mean he’ll just sit around and wait for death to take him again.

That’s why he volunteers for the library clean-up. He might not feel the joy of helping others anymore, but the smiles on the faces of the tired teachers and the giggles of the students around him make up for it. At least he’s doing something to make _them_ feel better.

But then Mason talks to him, and he’s all smiles and kindness and concern. He actually _notices_ that Corey had been gone. He actually _asks if he’s okay._

Nobody has done that since he came back.

And even though he doesn’t feel it, he smiles. He jokes about his parents and giggles at Mason’s awkward attempt to ask about him dying. And when Mason smiles back, maybe, just maybe, he feels something flutter in his chest.

So he asks him out.

It crosses his mind that he might be using Mason to feel something again, but there are also perks of being emotionless.

You don’t feel bad about anything either.

* * *

**Take me out of this place I’m in  
Break me out of this shell-like case I’m in **

Their date is actually pretty fun. They go to the movies first and Corey laughs with Mason at all the funny parts, and he hopes he can’t hear how fake it sounds. Then Mason invites him to go on a walk because it’s only 10 and he doesn’t want to say goodbye yet.

The walk is easier than the movie. Faking emotions exhausts Corey, at least now he doesn’t have to pretend. They talk about pretty heavy things - Theo mostly. Corey is just relieved he isn’t expected to be happy or sad or whatever during this conversation. He can just _be._

 _“_ Corey, I’m worried about you,” Mason finally says, and he pulls Corey to a halt to look at him.

“You’ve been… off lately. I just want to make sure you’re okay. Is Theo a… good alpha?”

Corey shrugs, looks away from Mason’s dark eyes.

“I mean, he did save our lifes,” the boy mumbles.

“Did he? Or was he the one to ruin it in the first place?”

Corey looks back at him, a pang of surprise lighting up the darkness in his heart.

“I… I-uh. I have- to go.” Corey is fast to say goodbye, pecking Mason on the cheek before turning around on his heels and walking away.

On his way home, he cries.

The tears on his cheeks are refreshing, almost foreign. He had almost forgotten what they felt like.

He cries for a lot of things. He cries for his mom, who doesn’t love him, and his dad, who just blatantly hates him. He cries for himself, for dying and coming back and not feeling anything anymore. He cries for Mason, who is so kind that he said yes to a date with a boy who is barely even human anymore.

Finally the darkness in him subsides long enough for waves of sadness to crash down on him, to pull him under.

He guesses animals know sadness, too.

* * *

**Underneath the skin there’s a human  
Buried deep within there’s a human  
And despite everything I’m still human  
But I think I’m dying here**

“You were right.”

Corey says it one night, when they’re at Mason’s. The afternoon had started as a study date, but had quickly turned into quiet gaming. Corey thinks Mason could sense how much the boy was in need of some mindless virtual violence.

Mason pauses the game to look at him.

“I’m right about a lot of things. Mind explaining a bit?”

Corey sighs, puts down the controller.

“When you said Theo ruined my life instead of saving it. You were right. I- I remember him. He was there, with the Doctors. Watching. Waiting. As if… as if it had been his plan all along. As if he was picking the people he’d be bringing back. Sometimes I think it would’ve been better… if I - if I had stayed dead.”

Corey struggles to breathe. It’s like a fist has closed around his throat, as if someone is squeezing his heart.

Mason grabs his hand.

“I’m glad you didn’t, though.”

Corey shakes is head.

“You don’t understand, Mason. Everyday is like dying all over again. I wake up and I go to school and I eat… but for what? What am I doing this for? My parents don’t care about me, I have no friends, I’m incapable of feeling anything. And I feel like - like…”

Corey wipes his tears away in frustration. He can feel his whole body shake.

“And I feel like… the human part of me dies a bit more every day. Like I’m becoming more and more an animal.”

Mason is crying too, now. Silent tears drip down his face as he holds Corey’s hand.

“You can get through this. I know Scott did. He can teach you.”

“Can he teach me to feel again?” The question is desperate, spoken out in a sob.

Mason nods before pulling him into a hug. They sit like that for what feels like hours, on the floor of Mason’s bedroom, with Corey crying into his shirt.

When he finally feels like he has no tears left, he pulls back.

“Thank you,” he whispers.

Mason smiles, leans forward to give him the softest kiss on the lips.

It’s like a spark setting something in motion.

Corey kisses him back. Sweetly, but also hungrily, grabbing his neck and pushing his lips firmer against his.

He can feel something stir in his chest, something moving.

Like a small animal waking up.

It’s not much, but it’s something. And he’ll take it.

Later he’ll find out that something like this, feeling in control and alive and _human_ because of something or someone, is called an anchor.

And it will be the reason he escapes his cage.

Mason will be the reason Corey finally feels alive again.


End file.
